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Blissdom Blisters

Imagine you are in a room, surrounded by rainbows and cherry lollipops and kelly green cashmere cardigans…. playing softly in the background is this hybrid mix of Adele, Florence and The Machine and bon iver.

Spread out throughout the room are dishes of guacamole, lasagna and pie.

When you sit down, the table to your left is scattered with your old Judy Blumes and your new Hunger Games trilogy.

But then suddenly – and you don’t even know if it’s yours or belongs to another  - there is this long thick fart…the odor penetrates everything.

You really just want to curl up in a bowl of lasagna and listen to the music…but the smell, it permeates and distracts….This was my BlissdomCanada.

[For The Record:  This was an incredibly well-executed conference - there were generous sponsors and fun parties, enthusiastic volunteers and organizers. It was very clear how much time, energy and resources went into planning BlissdomCanada. What I discovered is that maybe Blissdom is not my bag....which would absolutely suck. I thirst for the connections, lessons, inspiration and  generosity of others. Blissdom, I need you to be more of  what I need though. The fart was a metaphor. Everybody there smelt really really good.]

My friend Alex  wrote a thoughtful  piece on her Blissdom reflections earlier today and y’all should read it. It echoes so many of my sentiments as do all of the thoughtful comments left by others. But where Alex writes about the disconnect between bloggers & brands, I simply felt disconnected from the entire conference.

This is more a reflection of myself than of the conference, by the way. As mentioned, all the ingredients of a successful event were in place and I hope many left feeling re-charged and focused.

I also wish I had been one of them.

Truth be told, I am indifferent to the monetization/branding sessions at Blissdom (ironic because one of my favorite sessions at Blissdom was loosely tied to branding. Though it had more to do with swearing, if you ask me)

I am just grateful that I am not financially dependant on my blog. I am equally grateful the option exists for those that need to generate income from it, if the fit works.

That said, I do worry that people are making choices now that may effect how seriously they are to be taken later on…of course, if I was approached by certain brands (and I’m looking at you anthropologie, apple, anything Etsy *wink*) I could easily be persuaded.

Maybe it’s harder than I know, trying to marry a personal blog with a brand. I have no idea.

I was there for other reasons, primarily to focus on improving the quality of my blog during daytime sessions.

And to get drunk and giggle with friends at night.

Neither happened.

I cannot tell you why. I have heard self-righteous smug happy people say that how we feel is a choice – I certainly don’t recall choosing to feeling like every punchline was being spoken in Swahili by an old Irish guy, originally from Ittoqqortoormiit (that’s Greenland, in case you are wondering). But that’s how I felt. Danggit – hate when that happens.

What I learnt instead was that

I need to focus more on what I write rather than where I write it.

I have been very focused on increasing my traffic because the website I had been contributing to required it. Of course, that is their revenue model and I get that. But it turns out that is not what drives me. I need to connect with people.

I want my writing to be compelling and relevant because I want to be relevant and compelling…I have no idea what to make of this realization (please no dime-store theories, I don’t actually want to know what this makes me), other than nothing rings more true for me than when people do that head nodding thingy, like I get it, I get it! – it is the best way for me to connect with other people…..

Words are the liaison between myself and others. I am distracted and fascinated by them, their imperfections and thick chunky unfinished edges.

I spend my  time alternatively crushing on other peoples words and cringing at my own.

I am not a girl. Nor, apparently, am I a wolf.

I do not hug, dance, squeal, karaoke or faint at the sight of Jordan Knight – I am not even sure I am allowed at these events. (ps. Jordan knight genuinely looked like he was having a blast, and made me wish I was a fan).  Also, I do not do well in groups, preferring the smaller, more intimate gatherings.

I chose sessions on my own, went to the bathroom on my own, chose what to eat on my own, went to bed on my own.

And then I am left…well, alone and wondering why I am often alone at these events.

I was not conditioned with the pack mentality. Again, this is not a reflection of Blissdom (how could it be) but it was more apparent in a room full of hundreds, than say….when I am alone…

My favorite moments were when I was one on one, even if these were just 5 minute bursts of intimacy – they were the things that sustained me throughout the weekend.

So essentially I am asking Blissdom to host an event with hundreds of bloggers but group sessions are not to exceed 3-5.

I want them to focus on the craft of writing rather than on a specific blogging topic, even thought it is a blogging conference.

I would also like a no touching policy in place.

Ideally, everybody will think just like me and prefer a bergundy over a chardonnay for dinner. Very little focus on how to *do* social media strategically.

Oh, and can you have those awesome massages and manis that you provided complimentary delivered directly to my room. I’ll be up there for the most part…alone…

What Will I Do Now

  • I will focus more on the craft of writing and find ways to showcase it. I have realized that my ideal platform will be in print (that means you, magazines!!)
  • On the second night of Blissdom, I resigned from Babble.com I will try to convince myself that I will have other opportunities as awesome as this one. I simply could not commit to writing 5 posts a week. Also, I suspect I need my repertoire to extend beyond personal finance.
  • While at Blissdom, we were invited to watch a screening of missrepresentation, courtesy of Jen Maier. Without any doubts at all, this is the direction I would like my writing to be heading.
  • Working with Gail Vaz-Oxlade is incredible. Meeting her in person? Even better! I am excited about the projects she is working on and so thrilled to be a part of  initiatives that are so clearly making a difference to people.
  • As community manager at WallStSurvivor I see the importance of forging genuine thoughtful relationships with people as the primary goal of social media

Cue the sappy music now:

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36 Responses to Blissdom Blisters

  • Karma Brown says:

    I’m glad you took the time, and careful thought, to write what you did. I think many of us suffer from those alone feelings from time to time. I will say, after attending both last year’s Blissdom and this one, that last year did feel more intimate – there seemed to be more time to connect, to chat. But I personally found greater inspiration this year – between the panels and some of the conversations I had. Maybe it’s where I’m at in my writing…don’t know. I’ve been freelance for almost 3 years now. Writing can be a lonely, isolating experience. I miss the work chatter I used to have at the office. But in many ways I crave that alone time. Because while I can be social, I am not a social butterfly. I cling to my need for alone time fiercely.

    I do think I am one of those happy “self righteous smug” people you refer to – I’m sure you’ll get plenty of “yeah, those people drive me crazy too” responses, but not from me. And guess what? I CHOOSE to be that way – not 100% of the time of course, but I’m conscious to look forward, be positive as much as possible, and to be confident. For me, that is the only way.

    I’m sorry you felt so disconnected and alone. That’s not a great way to feel. The night of the costume party, I came down in my costume, had a drink and ate WAY too much delicious cheese, danced one song, and then went to my room to write a couple of book chapters. I chose to be alone. And I was happy about it.

    • admin says:

      Karma,
      First – I’m so glad we had the chance to meet finally, you were truly one of the women I was hoping to hook up with!
      Like you, I generally relish my time alone: I go to restaurants, movies, shopping alone and never feel lonely. I am not sure why the dynamic was off for me this year, I still need to think about that. This is a big secret but I am actually made up of 97% optimism and good cheer. That’s probably why i was so struck by this feeling. That said, it matters that people (like you!) took the time to go that extra bit, you have no idea how much that matters!

  • Alex says:

    Marci, I am there with you. In fact, I had been DMing someone just yesterday about the reason she didn’t get to chat with me… it was because I spent most of the conference alone, feeling disconnected. I lurked in corners, wondering why I couldn’t manage to “get into” it all.

    That said, it didn’t make the conference less valuable, it just gave me more to think about personally. And that is a win. Isn’t it? Is it? I hope so.

    I love your writing, your spark, and your drive. And I think you’re “going places”, whatever that means and for whatever it’s worth.

    I’m happy we’re alone together.
    Alex recently posted..Smoke and Mirrors

    • admin says:

      Alex – ha! I love that we are alone together, you have no idea!!

      I agree, re: The conference was no less valuable, because as a result I have had to push that much harder to find the value, if that makes any sense…
      I’m excited for both of us, seems like we are on the same path, with similar questions and I can’t wait to see where it leads….xxoo

  • melissa says:

    Another loner here! While I’m happy to meet and hang out with great people (and I did), I spent a lot of time alone, and feeling it. Sometimes that felt okay (I only had to do what I wanted), and sometimes it sucked (feeling like a third wheel during conversations I wanted to join, or when I saw people I wanted to meet). I tend to hang back a bit and get a feel for stuff before I speak up and jump in. The problem is often the moment is over before I’ve finished evaluating it. :)

    I have to admit, I did not expect this post from you. You always strike me as so friendly, gregarious and welcoming. I really admire you and what you’ve done since I met you last year. Clearly, neither one of us are the only ones that feel this way. I’m impressed that you have some solid goals this soon after the conference. I still need to do some mulling.
    melissa recently posted..Hello Fellow Blissdom Canada Attendees!

    • admin says:

      Melissa, I can say the same for you: The way you rocked the Karaoke machine was AMAZING!!

      I am relatively friendly & outgoing – I am just as at ease in real life as online for instance – but that doen’t mean that there will not be moments in both where I just can’t get my groove. I think it was just so evident because of how much I was looking forward to all those wonderful meaty conversations last year and online …I still need to figure out why but in the meantime, Blissdom did give me some of the direction i was looking for – just i am sure you find yours! I look forward to hearing yours over time…xxoo

  • Thank you, Marci, for sharing your thoughts. I’m sorry you felt alone. That was exactly how I felt last year at Blissdom Canada. I attended the conference on my own, not really knowing anyone. I had my own room and I did feel alone in a room FULL of people. You know… I’m a lone wolf in a wolfpack of one. ;)

    However, I can say I made some great connections that changed the dynamics of this years conference. One being that I had an awesome roomie and a pack of new friends that I didn’t have last year. One of them being you. Yes, you Marci. I met you last year and have to say that I was totally excited to meet up with you again and finally have a chat face to face. I have to say that I was thrilled to have those quick catch ups this year at Blissdom. Please tell me you remembered our conversations!! ;)
    Krista (@kristahouse) recently posted..Wordless Wednesday – Old Mac Meets New Mac

    • admin says:

      Krista,

      10 minutes after I posted this I started to get twitchy, regretting it…and then I saw YOUR comment…after I wiped my silly tears away ( i am SOOOO not the weepy type) I was reminded of how grateful I was for the connections I *did* make, including yourself!! I am actually kinda wishing I had a blissdom do-over at this point!
      Thanks xxoo

  • Mel Gallant says:

    Well damn, Marci – it would seem there are a few of us who felt the same way at this year’s Blissdom Canada conference. I wish I had sent out a tweet like, ‘Feeling disconnected? Come meet up with me in the PhilipsSpaCafe!”

    I passed by you several times at the conference and we only said hi to each other once, even though last year we hung out more and went to Starbucks together – LOL. On different paths this year, I guess.

    But! This post makes me wish I had worked harder to have a convo with you.

    I did enjoy the conference this year but not as much as last year. This year I knew more people but *still* felt disconnected. I think getting a roomie next year will help. :)
    Mel Gallant recently posted..Six Word Fridays: peace

    • admin says:

      THAT is a brilliant tweet – we must remember to use it, always!! You’re right, we did keep passing each other, argh – I want a Blissdom do-over..maybe next year I will send out a pre-post rather than a recap, outlining my regrets! In the meantime, I will make up for it and tweet the crap out of all of you xxoo

  • Jennifer says:

    I had left shesconnected with similar feelings just two weeks ago, I made a huge effort to fit in better at blissdom and I am glad I did. I really did have a fabulous time. those massages were amazing and the event itself was a really great experience.

    • admin says:

      Glad you got so much out of it Jennifer! I am realizing that I have the opportunity to also find some real relevant insights from Blissdom – I am just getting them post event is all!

  • Another great follow up post from Blissdom. It’s been interesting to read the array of posts after the conference because there seems such a range of experiences that took place.

    In reflecting, I think I fall somewhere in the middle. While I might appear (occasionally) to be right in the thick of the action (even braving a karaoke moment), I often felt that I was not really part of any specific group. I did connect with some fantastic ladies, don’t get me wrong, but in terms of really meaningful connections to people that I could see myself reconnecting with post-conference, there weren’t as many. I loved the writing sessions. I loved watching MissRepresentation. And while I didn’t always love feeling alone, I found the people-watching fascinating.

    And I was one of those who, like Krista above, also had my own room. I like to feel a part of a group, but I truly cherish the opportunity to “hide out” when I need to.

    What I would have really liked to get out of this conference would have been to connect with other writers who might want to actually hook up online for semi-regular conversations about life, writing, etc. Where I could keep some connections going in a more meaningful way, with people who share similar interests and could support each other. Or just laugh at each other.

    All I can muster for my own Blissdom reflection post is a playlist on my music blog. I don’t think I can write a post because I’m not sure where I sit on it all. But I am really enjoying reading everyone else’s.

    I wish we could have had 5 minutes together there.

    • admin says:

      Cynthia – I’d love to hear your playlist can you send me the link? Thats awesome, I have such mushy music taste, I need help!

      Your paragraph, starting with ” What I would have…” is basically stolen from my brain – I couldn’t agree more…is this something you would consider doing online? I would love to be involved in something like that, seriously!!
      I am realizing that most of my BlissdomCanada education is coming post-conference…but I am still so grateful for it.

      I too, wish we had those 5 or 10 or 20 minutes together! Simply means we must stay in touch ;)

  • Karen says:

    Oh, my friend, I know we’ve only met twice but I think part of me sensed things were off and I’m sorry I didn’t ask you. I don’t know why I didn’t. Maybe I was just too engrossed in my own stuff. I don’t know. And though my experience was a bit different, I do know what you mean. I was connected to the sessions for sure. Was I connected to the people? Not nearly as much as I wanted to be. I do think there was intimacy missing from this conference.

    Do I think I’ll go back next year? I’m not sure. At one point during the conference I would have said yes with absolute certainty, but thinking about it later, I’m back to 50/50 for various reasons. A big part being the emphasis on working with brands. That’s not me and I don’t know if I want to continue going to events with that focus because it does detract from my overall experience. But that’s not to say the conference didn’t provide value for me.

    I am so sorry the experience wasn’t as good for you. You know we love you and next time, if you decide to go, let’s connect more – we’ll plan times to meet up before we go so we can talk more!
    Karen recently posted..Blissdom Canada reminded me that I need to stop doubting myself

    • admin says:

      Karen, There is NO WAY we have only met twice…feels like you are on old worn in comfy cosy friend!

      I am so glad you enjoyed the conference and am also glad to see that you see which direction you want to go in – I think that when the emphasis is on branding/review/etc..it is so easy to lose sight of other possibilities (not better or worse, just alternatives to the *new traditional blog*

      And y’know, in hindsight (as always!) I am able to see that there WAS real value – it just wasn’t exactly what I had anticipated, that’s all!

      Thanks, my friend!! xxoo

    • Salsabila says:

      Thanks so much for mennioting our collection of these awesome posts! Love reading how everyone experienced Blissdom. Totally agree that there are always more hugs we could have given, and more connecting we could have done. Glad you had such a great time!Jen

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  • Capital Mom says:

    I am not good with big groups, they make me feel ackward, so I try to find one on one connections when ever I can. I have been to 6 sm conferences now and I am getting better at it.

    Sounds like this experience taught you a lot about what you would do next time.
    Capital Mom recently posted..12 things I learnt at BlissDom Canada

    • admin says:

      You’re right – I am already wishing I could have a do-over…but since I cannot, I am realizing that I was still able to find SOO much (unexpected) value in attending Blissdom!
      Maybe I just need to attend more, heh?

  • Alison says:

    BlissdomCanada sounds like every conference I’ve ever been to, and that’s a few. Without trying to sound all preachy, because that’s the last thing I ever want to do, I’ve found that these things are what you make of them, meaning that you don’t have to be “rah! rah! rah!” involved, but rather take from them what you need, and what you want, rather than feeling like to have to ‘fit in’.

    I would’ve probably felt the same way though, being an introvert. I usually spend my time on the fringes regardless. :p I have to admit though, I would’ve been all over karaoke like a fat kid on a smartie. Jordan Knight, well, that’s another story.

    • admin says:

      Allison,

      Nothing preachy about offer a point of view! I am realizing that (for me) the best takeaways from blissdom are coming post-event..and you’re right, I am able to take away tons of value post-conference

      Um, secondly, coffee came shooting outta my mouth with your smarties reference (though I am sure it is all kinds of wrong ;) that was hysterical…must tweet each other more!

  • Mary Lynn says:

    Both last year and this year I thought of signing up for Blissdom and then decided not to…and I think the main reason is that I’m fairly sure I’d feel the same as you. In general, I feel very anxious in a room full of people, especially if lots of them seem to know each other. One of the reasons I blog (well, sporadically lately) is that it doesn’t require me to think on the spot. I like to mull over my words, and when I’m speaking to people I don’t know very well I get tongue-tied. Meeting bloggers in groups of 3 – 5 people definitely sounds more my style.

    I may still try to go next year…I don’t know. Or I may chicken out again.

    BTW, when I saw all the tweets about Jordan Knight being at the conference I had to look up who he was.
    Mary Lynn recently posted..13 Reasons Why I Hate Driving in Markham So Much

  • admin says:

    yeah, I am thinking of organizing conference next year- no group sessions of more than 5 – no going to bathroom or bar in groups…bottles of wine and chips on every table….interested?

    Oh, yeah, and Jordan Knight can come…no idea who he was but wow, was he ever a good sport!!

  • admin says:

    Posted by Jen Maier ( I am not leaving myself a comment, really!)
    Marci, I hear you. I really, really do. My head is a jumble with thoughts and sometime this week I will post about the experience for me and my company. I think it was less about missing personal connection for me (that was not what I was there for) but more about a feeling of disconnection of philosophy in general.

    I opted out of the costume party this year because last year was like a giant recurring nightmare. It was not my thing. Call me a party pooper but it made me uncomfortable. I felt self-conscious and silly. And we were the sponsors! I would have much preferred a chance to chat with people in small groups, be inspired, maybe even inspire others :) I could see how much fun people were having but I just didn’t get it.

    I agree, this is not about Blissdom but about me and my company and finding a fit. That is why we decided to do something different and show the MissRepresentation film. We wanted to get people talking and thinking big. Empowering women to see their own impact. Many got it, many did not.

    Maybe it is about expectations? Maybe it is about fit? Maybe it is a reflection of how social media is evolving? Who knows. But do know this, you were not alone.

    • admin says:

      OMG, Jen if you had any idea how MUCH you inspire others!! Just chatting with you makes me feel smarter, that’s for real!

      And as for missrepresentation, it was the most inspiring thing I have seen in ages, and I am glad that – even with the risk of offending – you decided it was worth it to share it with us.
      I appreciate how important the karaoke/costume party is to people, but am glad I am not the only one who would happily trade it for something more intimate.

      I don’t have any answers to your questions about expectations but I think THOSE are the questions that I need to be asking myself. Thanks, my friend!! xxoo

  • Pam Dillon says:

    Wow Marci.

    This is what they’re talking about when they say authentic. I love your truthfulness. But maybe it’s a good thing I couldn’t go to #B because you’d be running in the other direction. I’m a serial hugger, gusher, dancer and jump-up-and-downer.
    But I do prefer burgundy over chardonnay (hate chardonnay), so that’s good, right?
    Funny thing is, I was feeling really alone because I’m so not connected. Not networking. Not doing all the many tweetups and conferences. Can’t afford to spend the energy, time, money.
    So. Loner to loner: No hugs, but I’m raising a glass — of burgundy — to you.
    You sure do know how to communicate! : )
    Pam Dillon recently posted..CBC’s Bad Santa is on Hockey Night in Canada

  • Rebecca says:

    Marci, my first instinct is to say ‘sorry you are feeling this way’ but that’s not the right thing to say here I think – what’s amazing is that you are aware of your own feelings that you can articulate that something was missing for you.

    I am an annoying happy person – not always by choice but by force. I live with a head full of self-doubt and anxiety and frankly I’m an introvert who would rather be searching True Blood Tumblr feeds in my pjs most nights ;) so I get that – but even one or two connections make these things worth while for me.

    Your revelation about your writing is a huge take away I think – run with that!! Looking forward to reading more ;)

  • Lindsay says:

    I too felt very disconnected and alone through the entire conference. As each hour and day went by I felt it grow more and more. I think I could have written a lot of this post myself Marci… and I now sit here wishing I had spent more time enjoying a drink with you alone!
    Lindsay recently posted..Times are a Changin’

  • Mara says:

    proud to call you friend. Proud that you can share your thoughts in such an intuitive way. Disturbing that’s many people felt this disconnect-with the direction our beloved genre of crafting is taking, with the pressure to join in, be what we’re not, join the group. Some might say I’m a social being. I’ve been called fearless, unique, an individual. What I mostly feel is manic, weird, and an intense pressure to be ‘fun’ so folks will talk to me. Mostly I feel like I’m inserting myself, unsure and insecure of who i am. I am so sad that you felt this way, but even more humbled that you had the strength and bravery to walk these three days on your own, feeling as you did, and never overtly show it. I know you well, so I could see, and I wish I’d reached out more. You are so incredibly interesting, talented, and amazing. Don’t ever change.
    Mara recently posted..On Swearing, Branding, Self-Love & Chonga Dresses

  • Sara says:

    I’m a corner lurker. I try my hardest not to be but it’s where I’m most comfortable. I find being in a room full of people I sort of know from Twitter, blogging etc more stressful than being in a room of strangers because I’m always wondering “does anyone even know who I am?”. My 14 year old self rears her self-doubting head ;) I think very small round tables of 5 people for 1-2 hours where we have no choice but to talk to people we don’t already know would be a good way for me to start the conference. Sort of like ripping of a bandaid off my hairy arm – just get the small talk out of the way ;)
    Sara recently posted..Bloggy bone

  • I love the conferences, thrive in these kinds of ‘safe’ group environs and enjoy moving from group to group to group. That said, I also like to have a point person, a partner, someone there that I know I am close enough to to seek out should I feel like I’m flailing. These conferences can be a bit intimidating and not everything is for everyone – what’s wrong with that?

    The truth is, nobody minds if you sit next to them. Except for one awkward meal where I had to do some not-so-graceful shuffling to keep two people who had a beef with one another, apart, I barely took a second glance at who was at the table before I sat down. Maybe I’m lucky – when people say that this kind of thing can be like high school, I agree. But I was friends with every group, at least a little, in high school.

    BTW, I like you, lots, and was glad to have my 5 minutes with you.

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About Me

marci

Willing to publicly shame myself into dropping my *thyroid* weight. Clothing Liaison, Non-housewife, with terrible grammar and a penchant for mixed metaphors. I also I like to dress women 4 free. I am a messy rotten cook that makes a wicked cappuccino

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